Zen Mom's New Age Techniques for Chilling Out Your Children

Moms around town have been telling me about the success they’ve had with techniques I talked about in this column. That always makes my day. Several moms have also asked me how I manage to stay calm enough to try a “creative discipline strategy” when my kids are screaming and hitting each other. That makes me laugh, because many times I can’t! I happen to enjoy yoga, meditation, aromatherapy, and new age music. Although I am not a daily practitioner by any means, I have worked them into my child-rearing and am able to use them to quell the nonsense in my home when there’s just no way an incentive chart or reward system is going to work...

Massage and Music

Bringing small children on board with massage is easy. Remember those infant massage classes you wished you had time to take in your third trimester? They are quite useful, but you can begin a massage practice with your baby or toddler at home. All you need is a soft blanket or towel, and a lotion appropriate for baby, if you wish to use one. (You don’t need lotion or oil at all, though, especially if your child has sensitive skin.) Start when baby is in a good mood. Lay her down and lightly run your fingers over her arms from shoulder to fingers, her tummy, her back, and her legs from hip to toes. You don’t want to apply firm pressure, and some infant massage practitioners will tell you that too light a touch can be irritating to babies, so take cues from your child and do what works. This experience is about calming and bonding. You are setting up a safe and special space for you and your child. Soothing music is an excellent accompaniment. Your children will learn to associate this music with relaxation and you can use it as a cue for them to calm down during times of chaos. Our favorite albums Liquid Mind VIII: Sleep; The Planet Sleeps (global lullabies); Celtic Nights (from the Northsound Series, includes nature sounds); and anything by Dean Evenson, a new age musician and composer.

Meditation

Meditation works great with slightly older children, but you can start as early as preschool. To prepare them for sitting down and listening to you, take advantage of children’s natural tendency toward hoarding. Children love stuff, and they love to help set up for an activity. So try making meditation pillows with your kids. Search online for no-sew fleece pillow to find instructions. We fashioned my favorite homemade cushions from a pair of my old maternity pajama pants. I cut off the legs at the knee, glued the hem together with fabric glue, stuffed with cotton, folded the knee seam over and glued shut.

When it’s time to go Zen, have the kids grab their pillows and settle onto them, criss-cross applesauce. In my family, we close our eyes and breathe in for a count of three and out for a count of three. Then I lead them in visualization. I keep it short, and I’m much more specific about what the children should visualize than I would be with adults, so they don’t have to make too many choices. For example:

“Imagine you are sitting on your favorite blanket in a grassy field. It isn’t too hot or too cold, and there are no bugs. You hear water. Is it a fish pond or a stream? You are sitting in the shade of a tree. Is it a cherry blossom or a pine tree? There’s a bird’s nest on a branch. Inside there are little baby birds. The momma bird is feeding them and they are making small peeping noises. The birds are so happy. They are safe, and their bellies are full.”

You can use any place in nature that is familiar to your children, or even a favorite place to go like a vacation home or grandma’s house. Choose a few details to zero in on to paint a picture in their minds. Use some sounds, smells or feelings. Then end with a symbol of calm, happiness, safety, abundance, or love.

When you all open your eyes, you can take turns discussing what you saw, felt and experienced. Or, you can tell the children before you finish that they are going to go get ready for bed once they open their eyes and that they can bring the image of the happy little birds into their dreams with them.

Yoga

Children’s innate boldness, silliness and desire to out-do one another makes yoga an ideal pursuit. I began yoga with my daughter when she was 18 months old. She was attempting a head stand that looked amazingly like Downward Dog, which I pointed out to my three year old son. They got such a kick out of the fact that they were natural yogis that they begged me to teach them more. We now break out our yoga books and cards on rainy days when we’re dying for some movement and in the evenings before bed. Our favorite sources are Yoga Kids by Kristen Hall, a book and set of large flash cards with step-by-step photos; and The ABCs of Yoga for Kids by Teresa Anne Power. We take turns selecting poses for everyone to try. The fact that some are named after animals and other things in nature makes it extra fun, and we practice our letters and numbers by challenging each other to find a pose that starts with G or the one on page 27. I usually set a time limit for our yoga practice, e.g. fifteen minutes or 5 poses, and that has helped them stay interested in the practice because they view it as a special family treat.

Aromatherapy

I tried one night in desperation when my husband was working late and I was struggling through dinner, tubs and jammies with my 2- and 4-year old. I added several drops of lavender essential oil to a mug of hot water and placed in the center of the dinner table. After a few minutes, the kids calmed down and ate the rest of their dinner. I refreshed the mug and oil and set it on the bathroom counter during tubs, and brought it into their bedrooms while we read our stories. Later that night, I wondered if it was coincidence, but I’ve used lavender frequently since with great calming results. I use lavender oil when the children are having tantrums. When they get to the point where they yell, “I just can’t stop crying!” I sit them down, rub two drops of oil between my palms and circle my hands in front of their faces while they take three deep breaths. I am almost always rewarded with a smile. I picked up a sample of Johnson’s Bedtime Lotion at my pediatrician’s office and used it a few weeks later after baths. I put on some music and rubbed a small amount into my children’s chests and arms (where the scent would rise) before we put on PJs. They both loved the smell so much, they now ask for the lavender lotion at bed quite often.

I use peppermint essential oil in a mug of hot water while we are getting ready for school on sluggish mornings, or reluctantly preparing for swim lessons on a winter afternoon. Peppermint is said to be a mood and energy lifter.

Many companies produce essential oils as well as other products labeled for aromatherapy use. My favorite oils are from Young Living. They are excellent quality and many can be used directly on skin and also ingested in water or tea. (The company can provide information on which are suitable for these uses.) If you are uncertain of a product’s use or safety do not use it on skin or internally. Just put it in a safe place and enjoy the scent.